Bullying

Bullying affects ALL of our children — those who bully, those who are victimized, and those who are witnesses or assistants to interpersonal violence. We can and must reduce this age-old problem.  For information on actions parents can take to eliminate bullying or if their child has been involved in bullying: http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing.

What do I do if I suspect that my child is being bullied?

www.education.com

 

What are parents to do if their child tells them that he is being bullied?

• First, listen; gauge the seriousness of the incident and whether there is a history of such bullying.
• Then find out what has been tried and work out options with your child - such as being more assertive, avoiding people and places, and seeking help through the school.
• It is tempting to confront the bully's parents or even the bully. Don't. It seldom pays and commonly makes matters works. When bullying occurs at school, work through your teacher and principal.
• When help is needed, call on the school. It has the prime responsibility for keeping students safe. Schools can help, especially if parents work closely with them.

 

One of the most important things that a parent can do in this situation is to talk with your child. Tell your child that you are concerned and that you’d like to help. Here are some questions that can get the discussion going:

• I’m worried about you. Are there any kids at school who may be picking on you or bullying you?
• Are there any kids at school who tease you in a mean way?
• Are there any kids at school who leave you out or exclude you on purpose?

 

Sometimes, more subtle questions are needed:

• Do you have any special friends at school this year? Who are they? Who do you hang out with?
• Who do you sit with at lunch and on the bus?
• Are there any kids at school who you really don’t like? Why don’t you like them? Do they ever pick on you or leave you out of things?

 

It is also important that parents talk with staff at school. Share your concerns about your child and ask the teacher such questions as:

• How does my child get along with other students in his or her class?
• With whom does he or she spend free time?
• Have you noticed or have you ever suspected that my child is bullied by other students? Give examples of some ways that children can be bullied to be sure that the teacher is not focusing only on one kind of bullying (such as physical bullying).

 

If your child is bullied

Adapted from The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, by Barbara Coloroso (Collins Living )
 

DO’S:

 

Tell your child, “I hear you; I am here for you; I believe you; you are not alone in this.”

Tell your child, “It is not your fault.”

Tell your child, “There are things you can do.”

Report the bullying to school personnel.

 

DON’TS:

 

Don’t minimalize, rationalize or explain away the bully’s behavior.

Don’t solve the problem for your child.

Don’t tell your child to avoid the bully.

Don’t tell your child to fight back.

Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone.

 

Tips for kids who are bullied

IZZY KALMAN OFFERS these suggestions to stem the tide of bullying.

http://www.bullies2buddies.com/

• Be nice to kids when they are mean to you, and before long they will stop being mean.  This is known as the Golden Rule, and is the solution to bullying.
• Don’t tell on kids who upset you. They will hate you and want to beat you up. Talk to them directly and they will respect you much more. Tell an adult only if there is an emergency situation, or because you want the adult to teach you how to handle the problem.
• Don’t get angry when kids insult you. They love to see you getting angry. Make it clear they can insult you all they want and it doesn’t bother you. After a few days, they will stop.
• If kids bring you nasty rumors, don’t defend yourself. Just ask the kids, “Do you believe it?” If they say they do, answer, “You can believe it if you want.” You come out being the winner, and they will leave you alone. And if they say they don’t believe it, you also win!
• If kids hit you and you’re not hurt, act like nothing happened. This way you look tough and cool because you don’t get upset over nonsense. If they keep hitting or pushing you, ask them calmly, “Are you mad at me?”   If they aren’t, they’ll stop hitting you. If they are angry, they’ll tell you why. You can discuss the matter, apologize if appropriate, and they will also stop hitting you.

San Diego Unified School District

Bullying, Harassment, and Intimidation Prohibition Policy

March  2011

 

In its commitment to providing all students and staff with a safe learning environment where everyone is treated with respect and no one is physically or emotionally harmed, the Board of Education will not tolerate any student or staff member being bullied (including cyber-bullying), harassed, or intimidated in any form at school or school-related events, (including off-campus events, school-sponsored activities, school buses, any event related to school business), or outside of school hours with the intention to be carried out during any of the above.

 

Such acts include those that are reasonably perceived as being motivated either by an actual or perceived attribute that includes but is not limited to race, religion, creed, color, marital status, parental status, veteran status, sex,  sexual orientation, gender expression or identity, ancestry, national origin, ethnic group identification, age, mental or physical disability or any other distinguishing characteristic.

 

The district further prohibits the inciting, aiding, coercing or directing of others to commit acts of bullying or cyber-bullying, harassment or intimidation.  Any staff member that observes, overhears or otherwise witnesses bullying (including cyber-bullying), harassment, or intimidation, or to whom such actions have been reported must take prompt and appropriate action to stop the behavior and to prevent its reoccurrence as detailed in the applicable Administrative Procedure.  Students who observe, overhear, or otherwise witness such actions must, and parents/ district visitors are encouraged to report the behaviors to a staff member. At each school, the principal or principal’s designee is responsible for receiving and promptly investigating complaints alleging violations of this policy. Any form of retaliation in response to a report of such acts is prohibited.